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Heya buddy! So sex-dating, huh? Like, whoa, it’s wild out there! I’m Patrick Star, duh, and I’m thinkin’—is mayonnaise an instrument? Nah, but sex-dating’s kinda like that—messy, sloppy, and ya don’t know what’s happenin’ half the time! I’m sittin’ here, watchin’ my fave movie *Margaret*—you know, that 2011 flick with all the drama and screamin’—and it’s got me thinkin’ ‘bout how sex-dating’s all tangled up like Lisa yellin’ at her mom. “You’re a little monster!” she’d say, and I’m like, yep, that’s me swipin’ on Tinder at 3 a.m.!

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Then I stroll down to the market on HaShalom Street. It’s packed, like, shoulder-to-shoulder packed. I’m dodging people, trying not to spill my coffee. And then BAM! I bump into this dude. He’s like, “Watch it!” I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a coffee, not a grenade!”

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