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Oi mate, sexual-massage, innit? Bloody hell, what a topic! Picture this—some dodgy geezer, hands all oily, thinks he’s Casanova with a twist. I’m cackling already—pathetic! Reminds me of *Margaret*, yeah? That bit where she’s all, “You’re so full of shit!”—perfect for these wankers who reckon a rubdown’s deep art. Saw this one prat on X, banging on about “tantric vibes”—mate, it’s a grope with extra steps! Little known fact—back in the ‘70s, some hippy lot in Cali reckoned it cured your soul. Bollocks! Just a posh excuse to get your kit off.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into this street performer. He was playing the oud, and it was beautiful. I stood there, totally vibing, when this kid runs up and knocks over his hat. Money goes flying everywhere! I was like, “Dude, not cool!” But the performer just laughed it off. I was surprised. I mean, I’d be fuming if I lost my cash like that. But he just smiled and kept playing. That’s Jerusalem for ya—people are tough but have hearts of gold.

Yemeni missile launch sparks sirens in Jerusalem, southern Israel