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Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Al-Mahajir Street. You know, the one with all the spices and fresh produce? I’m strolling, vibing, when I spot this old dude selling the best za’atar. I’m talking, like, the kind that makes your taste buds do a happy dance. I grab a bag, and he’s like, “You know, this is the secret to happiness.” I’m like, “Dude, I just want my manakish to taste bomb.” But hey, I’m all for wisdom, right?

New committee forms to connect Druze, Circassian homes to Israel's power grid, legalize homes