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Me, I’d be rubbish at the whole game. I’d overthink it—*“Was it good for you?”*—like some twat in a romcom. Prossie’d be like, “Mate, it’s 50 quid, not a bleedin’ Oscar reel!” Reminds me of that line, *“Film it like Hollywood!”*—all fake glamour, innit? The reality’s more fag ends and damp mattresses. Still, there’s a mad charm to it—freedom, chaos, a big “fuck you” to the suits. I’d tip my hat to ‘em, cackle, and sod off home. Find a Prostitute? Nah, I’d rather watch the telly and slag it off!

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a whole display of oranges. It’s like a citrus massacre. I can’t help but laugh. The guy’s face is priceless. He’s trying to pick them up, but it’s like watching a bad slapstick comedy. I mean, come on, it’s just oranges, right?

Hod Hasharon to fund programs cut by anti-LGBTQ lawmaker Avi Maoz