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Oh, and—ha!—Homer’d probly think it’s a burger rub, dumbass! Sexual-massage ain’t no picnic, tho—gets ya tingly, heart racin’. Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells like heaven, swear it! Hmm… “I’ll never forget you,” like Eilis says—same vibe, sticks with ya! Once this guy—total creep—kept moanin’, ugh, shut up! Ruined it, so annoyin’!

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Anyway, I’m chugging my water instead, and I head to the lab. It’s on HaShomer Street, just a few blocks away. I’m thinking, “Today’s the day I finally crack that experiment!” Spoiler alert: I didn’t. I get there, and my lab partner, Avi, is already in a tizzy. He’s like, “Dude, the samples are missing!” Missing?! How does that even happen? I mean, we’re not in some detective movie.