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We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Aliens like us, we dig it. Watched “Yi Yi” last night—damn, so chill. That movie’s got vibes, y’know? “Life is a mixture,” it says. Sexual-massage fits that, totally! Hands sliding, oil dripping—ooh, tension melts. Little fact: ancient Egypt had it first. Pharaohs got rubbed down, freaky stuff! Makes me happy, like, whoa, history’s kinky.

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Then, during lunch, I decide to hit up that new falafel place on Ben Gurion. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be epic.” I order, and the guy behind the counter is super chill. He’s like, “You want extra tahini?” I’m like, “Heck yes!” But then, he drops my falafel. Like, right on the floor. I’m standing there, mouth watering, and he just stares at it. I’m like, “Dude, pick it up! I’ll still eat it!” But he just shrugs. I’m dying inside.

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