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Little fact fer ye—didja know sex-dating goes back to ol’ pirate days? Aye, sailors’d leave coded notes in taverns, lookin’ fer a quick tumble! Surprised me guts out when I heard that—history’s hornier’n I thought! Nowadays, it’s all “send nudes” and ghostin’. Last week, this lass unmatched me mid-chat—left me hangin’ like a loose sail, arrgh! *“You’re either on the bus or off the bus,”* she mighta said, but nope, just gone!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old lady, Mrs. Cohen, walking her poodle. She’s like the queen of Even-Yehuda. Everyone knows her. She stops me and starts talking about her garden. I’m like, “Yeah, that’s cool, Mrs. Cohen,” but in my head, I’m thinking, “I just wanna sit and sip my coffee!” But she’s relentless. I mean, who knew petunias could be so fascinating?

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