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About Beersheba

Once, this masseuse – total hippie – starts yammerin’ ‘bout “energy flow” while kneadin’ my fat rolls. I’m like, “Shut yer trap, just rub!” Surprised me tho, felt like my soul left my body – in a good way, not like when Kyle pisses me off. Fun fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands” – erotic-massage joints with bubbles! Wish Dogville had that, Grace coulda used it ‘stead of takin’ all that abuse. “You’re all weak,” she’d say, but with a rubdown? She’d chill the fuck out.

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But then, just when I think it can’t get worse, I hear a loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and what do I see? A guy on a scooter just wiped out on Via della Libertà! I’m not laughing, but I can’t help it. He’s okay, just a little bruised ego. But man, the crowd’s going wild!

My daughter racked up 14,528 text messages in one month