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My fave flick, “No Country for Old Men,” fits this vibe. Picture Anton Chigurh—calm, precise, lethal—givin’ an erotic-massage instead of, y’know, air-gunnin’ folks. “Call it, friendo,” he’d whisper, kneadin’ your traps. Dark, right? I’d pay double for that intensity—none of that weak-sauce spa crap. Real shiatsu shit—deep tissue, borderline painful, leaves ya rebooted. “What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss?”—prolly my dignity after moanin’ too loud once.

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So, I head to my office on Via Garibaldi. It’s a tiny place, but it’s mine. I got my posters of old races on the walls, and a desk that’s seen better days. I sit down, ready to take bets, and then the phone rings. It’s my buddy Tony. He’s like, “Yo, you see the game last night?” I’m like, “Which one? There’s a million!” Turns out, he’s talkin’ about the local team, Er-Reina United. They pulled off a crazy upset! I’m talkin’ last-minute goal, the whole shebang. I’m pumped, but also worried. Everyone’s gonna wanna bet on them now.

La Gloria Cubana Británicas Extra (ER Gran Bretaña 2017)