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I’m tellin’ ya, it’s sensual, slow, got that heat risin’. Little known fact—back in ancient Rome, they was usin’ oils for this, callin’ it “massage with benefits,” ha! Bet they was like, “YOLO, Caesar, rub me right!” Got me happy as hell imaginin’ that—oils smellin’ like lavender, hands workin’ magic, tension meltin’ like wax. But yo, what pisses me off? Dudes out here half assin’ it—no technique, just slappin’ lotion on like it’s sunscreen. Bro, learn the craft!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a shop on HaYarden St. to escape the downpour. This place is a treasure trove of random stuff. I find a rubber chicken. I mean, who doesn’t need a rubber chicken, right? I buy it just for laughs.

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