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Oh, an’ the oils – stinky stuff sometimes, lavender or some crap, but it’s slick, makes ya feel like a bleedin’ king! Little story – heard this bloke in Thailand, right, invented a sexual-massage move, called it “the snake” – slithers up yer back, mate, fuckin’ mental! Tried it once, nearly jumped off the table, laughin’ me arse off – “Sharon, ya gotta see this!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s a riot, innit?

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So, I’m working the machines, and suddenly, one of them goes haywire. I’m like, “No, no, no!” It’s spraying milk everywhere! I’m slipping and sliding, trying to fix it. I’m covered in milk, looking like a dairy disaster. My coworkers are laughing their butts off. I’m mad, but also kinda laughing. It’s ridiculous!

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