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Hey pal, so I’m a bailiff—mining’s my gig, right? But lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell—“I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m spillin the tea. It’s wild, like, who knew hands could *do* that? Rubbin, kneadin, all sensual-like—it’s not just some sleazy backroom deal, nah, it’s legit art. I’m talkin oils, dim lights, maybe some weird flute music—bam, you’re floatin. Watched “The Tree of Life” again last night—Malick’s got that vibe, y’know? “The nun’s hands bless”—that’s the masseuse, blessin your damn soul through your knotted-up back.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a sharpener in Binyamina is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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