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I’m scrollin’ Tinder, right? See this bird, smokin’ hot. Bio says “DTF, no strings.” Perfect, I think – suave 007 style. We chat, she’s cheeky, I’m charmin’. Meet up at some dodgy bar. She’s all over me, yeah? But then – bam! She’s got a boyfriend! “Just for fun,” she says. I’m like, what the bloody hell? Made me angry, that – sneaky little minx. Reminds me of Jesse, y’know? “He was ashamed of his perspicacity.” Couldn’t see her game comin’.

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I get there, and the client is a total character. She’s got this huge dog with her, and it’s just sitting there, looking at me like I’m the biggest joke. I’m trying to keep it professional, but the dog keeps stealing the show. I’m cracking up inside.

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