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What gets me goat? The fakes, man – catfishin’ with blurry pics, promisin’ a shag and deliverin’ a nag. But when it’s good? Oh, it’s a right knees-up! Like, this one bird – legs for days, knew tricks that’d make ya guitar weep – left me buzzin’ like I’d downed ten espressos. “Keep it civil,” I’d mutter to meself, but nah, I was gone, lost in the sauce!

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And then, the cherry on top—this lady with a dog gets in. A tiny dog, but it’s barking like it’s a lion. I’m losing it. I’m like, “Can we not?” But she’s all, “He’s just excited!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, well, so am I, but I’m not barking!”

5 reservists killed during fighting with Hezbollah in Lebanon last night, IDF announces