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I tink escort fun, but sad too. Like, you happy, den boom—empty. “Shame” show dat good—Brandon all hot, den he cry in rain, “You’re a weight on me!” he yell. Dat me after too much vodka and bad escort choice—wery disappointing! One time, I call escort, she come, but she talk politics whole time! I like, “Nooo, sexy time, not debate!” Made me angry, I throw shoe at wall, bang!

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Next up, this dude gets in. He’s got a pizza box. A whole pizza! I’m like, “Bro, you can’t eat in here.” But he’s like, “Chill, it’s just a slice.” So, I’m stuck smelling pepperoni all the way to the 5th floor. I’m drooling, but also mad. Like, who eats pizza in an elevator?

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