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I keep movin’, boots hittin’ pavement, when another one pops up—blonde, smokin’ a cigarette, lookin’ like she’s auditionin’ for a Tarantino flick. “You look lonely, sugar,” she says. Lonely? I’m happier than a pig in mud alone, ya harpy. “I’m gonna scalp ya if ya don’t scram,” I mutter, channelin’ Aldo. She blinks, confused. Good. Hate when they don’t get it. Did ya know, in old France, they branded prostitutes with a fleur-de-lis? Marked ‘em like cattle. Brutal, but kinda badass.

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After that, I’m walkin’ down the street, and I bump into my buddy Jake. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me he saw a raccoon trying to steal a hot dog from a kid. I’m like, “Dude, that’s Ariel for ya.” Only in this town, right?

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