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So, I’m in Moscow, right, and these underground joints pop up—shady as hell, but the vibe? Electric! Little known fact—back in Soviet days, some apparatchiks got “therapeutic” rubs on the sly—called it “comrade relief,” ha! Hypocrites, all of em! Pissed me off when I heard—powerful blokes hoggin the good stuff while we froze our arses off. But now? It’s everywhere—legal or not, who gives a toss? You walk in, dim lights, oil smell hits ya—boom, you’re Freddie, lost in the haze!

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Finally, I get to the rug store. It’s packed! Everyone and their grandma is there. I spot the rug, but it’s way too big. I’m thinking, “How’s this gonna fit in my car?” I ask the guy at the counter, and he just shrugs. Thanks, buddy. Real helpful.

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