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Thing that pisses me off though – them posh twats who reckon it’s all seedy! Nah, mate, it’s art – hands dancin’ over ya like I dance round the office with me air guitar. Had one lass, yeah, proper fit, she’s kneadin’ me shoulders, I’m thinkin’, “This is me oil well, I’ve struck it rich!” Surprised me how it’s not just horny vibes – it’s dead relaxin’, like. Me neck’s been knackered from headbangin’ to Metallica, but after? Sorted. Felt like a new man, swaggerin’ out like, “I’m finished!”

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But then, this sweet old lady comes over. She’s like, “You okay, habibi?” And I’m like, “Yeah, just my dignity is gone.” She laughs and hands me a napkin. I love the people here. They’re so warm.

UJ grants Olympic gold medalists Abughaush scholarship