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But real talk, it’s sensual, slow—like in “Syndromes,” when that doc says, “Did you see the eclipse?” All mysterious, drawn out, makin’ ya feel somethin’. That’s sexual-massage! It’s not wham-bam, it’s a whole mood. I got mad once, tho—some chick charged me $200 for a “happy endin’” that was just a pat on the butt! Rip-off! Made me wanna scream, “Show me your hands!”—y’know, like that line from the movie?

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Finally, he rolls in, looking like he just woke up from a nap. I’m like, “Dude, you’re driving a car, not a couch!” We hop in the car, and I’m trying to keep it chill. But then, he starts freaking out over the roundabout on Church Hill. I mean, it’s just a circle, right? But to him, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. “What do I do?!” he yells. I’m like, “Just go! It’s not a black hole!”

This low-key Wicklow cheesemaker is quietly producing the best cheddar in the world