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But sometimes, ooh, it’s juicy! Found this lass, smokin’ hot, we banged, no strings—sweet as stolen lembas bread! My precious, sex-dating’s quick, dirty, no “let’s cuddle” crap. Did ya know, back in ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for this? “Single orc seeks nasty wench,” haha, true story! Old-school Tinder, scribbled in ink, freaky stuff.

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But guess what? They mess it up! I get a cappuccino instead. I’m like, “What’s this? A joke?” I mean, come on! I’m not a cappuccino kinda person. I’m about to lose it, but then I see this cute dog outside. A little golden retriever, wagging its tail like it’s got a secret. Instant mood lift! I’m like, “Okay, universe, you win this round.”

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