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Heya, doll! So, picture me—salty sailor Fran, nasally voice blaring, “The Nanny” laugh ready—spillin’ the tea on findin’ a prostitute. Been out at sea, waves crashin’, boys hollerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m done with this lonely bunk nonsense!” Shore leave hits, and I’m prowlin’—not for gold, but for some company, ya know? Like in *The Social Network*, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh! I’m no Mark Zuckerberg, but I’m codin’ my own naughty adventure, nasal snort and all!

1. Kamathipura, Mumbai

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the shops on the main street. You know, the ones near the Walkinstown Roundabout? I’m browsing through some shops, and I spot this vintage jacket. It’s like something outta the ‘80s. I’m thinking, “This is it! My new look!” But when I check the price tag, I nearly faint. Like, who do they think they are? Gucci? Nah, mate, I’m not dropping that much cash.

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