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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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But then, I hear this commotion. I look over, and there’s a street performer on the corner of Union Street. He’s doin’ some crazy tricks with fire. I’m like, “Dude, chill! You’re gonna set the whole place ablaze!” But the crowd’s lovin’ it. I’m just standin’ there, half-amazed, half-terrified.

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