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Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s a gritty gig. Streets ain’t kind, coppers neither. But there’s a rhythm to it, see? Night falls, they emerge, like moths to a flame. Calm, yeah, steady – it’s their dance. Some punters are sweet, some are wankers, but she’s got her rules, her patch. “Directive,” she’d say, like WALL-E, stickin’ to her code. Respect that, I do.

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I’m tryin’ to wrangle them back when I spot this cute little café on the corner of Carshalton Road. I’m thinkin’, “Why not treat myself?” So, I grab a scone. It’s massive! Like, I could use it as a frisbee. I’m sittin’ there, munchin’ away, when I overhear this couple arguing.

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