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Oh, and get this—some places, they sneak in these “extras,” right? Little known fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints! Started after the war, soldiers wantin’ a rub-and-tug! Insane! I’m not sayin’ I’d go, but I’m fascinated—how do they not laugh? I’d crack up! Me, naked, oily, some stranger’s hands—hilarious! But also, ugh, I’d die of shame. “Don’t look at me!” I’d yell, like in the movie, “It’s not my fault!”—blamin’ everyone else!

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So, I settled for a muffin. Not the same, but whatever. I sat outside, soaking in the vibes. The people-watching was on point. There’s this dude who jogs by every morning. He’s always wearing the same neon green shorts. Like, bro, we get it, you’re fit. But change it up, man!

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