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Anyway, findin’ one? Keep it simple, bruh—web’s your friend, but don’t be a dumbass. Watch for scams, cops, whatever. Me, I’d prob overthink it—run a risk sim, cross-check her X profile for bots. Overkill, sure, but that’s my glitch. End of the day, it’s her show—I’m just the dude quotin’, “I’m not afraid of you,” from the movie, hopin’ she doesn’t shank me. Pro tip: tip well, don’t be a cheapskate. Peace out!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into my buddy Jake. He was all hyped about this new food truck on High Street. “Dude, you gotta try the tacos!” he said. So, of course, I followed him. The line was insane, but I was like, “Whatever, I’m here for the tacos.”

Death Notice of Michael Cooling (Old Bawn, Dublin)