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Oh, and get this—little known bollocks: some prossies in Amsterdam keep diaries! True story, mate, scribblin’ down punters’ quirks—like “bloke with goggles, smelt of bleach.” That’s me, that is! Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe, but who gives a toss? It’s a laugh! Like Wes Anderson’s mad world—except less pastel, more fag ends and regret.

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Sean. He’s down at the Diamond, and he’s like, “You gotta come see this!” I’m thinkin’, “What now?” But I’m curious, so I head over. The Diamond is always buzzing, ya know? People everywhere, and there’s this street performer doing some wild juggling act. I’m talkin’ flaming torches and all that jazz. I’m like, “This guy’s gonna set himself on fire!” But he doesn’t. Just my luck, right?

Clare, Roscommon, Monaghan and Carlow schools take Minor All-Ireland League titles