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Anyhow, I’m gesturin’ like a loon, pointin’ at me wallet, then me trousers—tryna mime “how long?” without lookin’ a perv. She’s cacklin’ now, says, “Ten minutes, big boy.” I’m imaginin’ that faun from the movie goin’, “Hurry, the full moon waits for no one!”—cracks me up, that. So I’m in, right, but—OOF!—trip over a bin, land arse-first in a puddle. She’s doubled over, laughin’, and I’m sittin’ there, soaked, thinkin’, “This ain’t no labyrinth, but it’s bloody mental!” Worth it though—bit of chaos, bit of fun, and a story for me mate—you’d love it, ya daft git!

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But then, outta nowhere, I tripped over a rock. Classic me, right? I fell flat on my face. I was like, “Great, just great.” But then I heard laughter. I looked up, and there were these kids playing soccer. They were like, “Are you okay, mister?” I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, I’m not that old!

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