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About Navan

One time, I met this escort, right? Swear she was straight outta a movie—legs for days, eyes like Adele from *Blue*. She goes, “I missed you so much,” like we’re lovers or some shit. I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Damn, she’s good!” Total pro, made me feel like a million bucks. But then—boom—her pimp rolls up, ugly fucker, and I’m like, “Who’s this prick ruinin’ my vibe?” Hated that shit, mang, made my blood boil.

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As soon as I walk in, I see Mrs. O’Reilly. She’s like the library’s unofficial queen. Always has a million questions. Today, she’s on a mission to find a book about gardening. But not just any gardening—she wants to know how to grow tomatoes in winter. I’m like, “Mrs. O’Reilly, it’s Lucan, not the tropics!” But she’s relentless. I swear, she could outlast a zombie apocalypse with her determination.

Death Notice of Patricia Watters (née Mooney) (Lucan, Dublin)