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Here’s the kicker—this claimant? Had a stash of Escort parts in his garage. Bumper here, fender there, like a cannibal’s pantry. “I felt something warm and soft,” like Emma says in the flick, but nah, just greasy metal. Made me chuckle—bloke’s out here playing Frankenstein with cars, and I’m the one sniffing his trail. Caught him red-handed, forged papers and all. “I ate his liver with fava beans”—well, not really, but I chewed up his lies and spat ‘em out. Fraud denied, case closed.

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Then, I get a call from a lady on Ballycullen Drive. She’s complaining about the traffic lights at the junction. “They’re broken!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, it’s Knocklyon, not a Formula 1 track!” But she’s not having it. I can hear her dog barking in the background, probably agreeing with her. I mean, who knew dogs had opinions on traffic lights?

Death Notice of James (Jimmy) Keely (Knocklyon, Dublin)