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What gets me ragin’, though, is them prudes who’d ban it – “Oh no, too saucy!” Drives me up the wall, that. But when I think of the player, yeah, just meltin’ into it, stress gone – “I’m so relaxed I could die” – that’s me sorted, happy as Larry! Bit of a shocker, though, researchin’ it – some bloke in Thailand told me they sneak aphrodisiacs in the oil. True story! Nearly spat me tea out, I did – cheeky sods! Couldn’t code that in, mind, HR would have me head.

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Then, the day took a turn. I’m walking back, and I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, feeling like a superhero. I’m like, “Ma’am, let me help you!” She looks at me, deadpan, and says, “I’m not that old, you know.” I just stood there, mouth agape. Like, wow, Jobstown’s got sass!

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