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I tried it once—don’t judge me, alright? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” She’s all, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax?! You’re touchin’ me where?!” Made me so mad—nobody tells you the rules! Is it a massage? Is it sexy time? Am I supposed to tip extra? I’m sweatin’, not from the heat, but pure panic. But then—okay, fine—it felt kinda good. Like, *Inherent Vice* good, where you’re confused but rollin’ with it. “What’s happening here, man?” I muttered, channelin’ Doc. She laughed—thought I was nuts. Fair enough.

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First stop? The coffee shop on Elm. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? I swear, the barista was having a meltdown. She spilled half a latte on the counter. I mean, c’mon! It’s just coffee! But hey, I got a free muffin outta it. Score!

George Hook compares Paul Murphy far-right protest to Joan Burton Jobstown incident