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Oh, and here’s a quirk—always tip ‘em extra. Why? Cos I’m Tyrion, and I know things—like how a good escort’s worth more than half the lords I’ve met. Ever hear bout the French king—Louis somethin’—had an escort spy for him? True story, she banged half the court, fed him secrets. Badass, eh? Wish I’d had her in Westeros—would’ve sniffed out Cersei’s crap sooner.
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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my scone! Like, what the actual heck? I’m standing there, mouth agape, watching my breakfast fly away. I’m pretty sure that bird was plotting against me. I mean, who does that?
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