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Oh, and get this – there’s a secret club in London, yeah? Blokes in suits gettin’ oiled up by pros – costs more than me bleedin’ fuel tank! Total headfuck, mate. I’d be all, “Sharon, they’re bonkers!” – but I’d join ‘em, wouldn’t I? Hah! Sexual-massage ain’t just for hippies – it’s for us gritty types too. “Groovy’s just a word, man!” – straight outta the movie, that. Keeps me laughin’ while they’re strokin’ me chassis. What a world, eh?

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Finally, the day winds down. I’m exhausted, but I’ve got a few furs ready for pick-up. I lock up the shop and head to the pub. The smell of chips hits me as soon as I walk in. I grab a pint and plop down with Dave. He’s already three pints in and tellin’ me about his latest “adventure.” I’m like, “Dude, you’re not Indiana Jones. You’re just a lad from Finglas.”

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