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Ooh, nearly forgot—*slaps forehead, stumbles*—she’s a right laugh too! Told me once, “Luv, I’d rather shag a gearstick than a cheapskate!” Hah! Proper cheeky mare. *giggles, spins imaginary wheel* Dunno, mate, she’s a bit o’ me drivin’ life now—keeps it wild, like them twisty roads I teach on. *revs up, vroom vroom!* What ya reckon, eh? Prostitute’s a bloody legend, ain’t she?

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So, I finally get to my shop on the Ballygall Rd. and it’s a mess. Furs everywhere! I’m talkin’ like a fur explosion. I trip over a fox pelt and nearly faceplant. Classic me, right? I start sorting through the chaos, and then my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You comin’ to the pub later?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m knee-deep in fur here!” But I can’t resist a pint, so I say maybe.

Death Notice of Andrew Daly (Finglas, Dublin)