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Picture this, I’m cruisin’ the streets, lookin’ for a hooker to prove my point, right? I’d be all, “What’s your deal, lady? Why this job?” Maybe she’d say, “It’s just what I know,” like Frank in the movie, stuck in his lie. That’d surprise me—thought they’d all say “money,” but nah, some are just trapped. Kinda sad, huh? But don’t tell me to feel bad, I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman, I don’t cry for nobody!

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Sarah showed up, and she was all smiles. We started chatting about life, work, and how annoying Mr. O’Reilly is. Then, outta nowhere, she pulls out this massive slice of cake from the café. I was like, “Where’d you get that?” She just winked and said, “You gotta know the right people.” I swear, that cake was the best thing I’d ever tasted. It was like a party in my mouth!

Death Notice of Ciaran Moran (Fermoy, Cork)