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About Cork

Alright, mate, gather round! Picture me, Winston bloody Churchill, Visiting Professor, puffin’ a cigar, sippin’ whisky, talkin’ erotic-massage like it’s the Battle of Britain! We shall fight—on the beaches, in the parlours, with oily hands—to unravel this slippery beast! Erotic-massage, oh, it’s a crafty devil, ain’t it? Slidin’ into your senses, all hush-hush, like a spy in the night. I reckon it’s ancient—Greeks did it, them randy buggers, called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ bods for health’n’pleasure. Bet they didn’t tell gran that bit!

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Anyway, I get to the market, and it’s packed. I’m dodging people left and right. There’s this old dude selling handmade crafts. He’s got these wooden carvings that are just insane. I’m talkin’ about intricate stuff, like, how did he even do that? I’m all about supporting local artisans, so I buy a little owl. It’s cute, right? But then I realize I’ve got no cash left. Ugh!

Death Notice of Maureen SHERIDAN (née Maguire) (Edenderry, Offaly)