Ruby Donaghmede Find A Prostitute ❤️

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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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I start pacing, trying to calm down. I’m thinking about all the cool stuff happening in Donaghmede. Like, did you know there’s a new café on Grange Road? It’s supposed to have the best coffee. I’m a sucker for caffeine.

Death Notice of Barbara Land (née Kearney) (Donaghmede, Dublin)