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Now, I’m no rookie—knew a bloke once who said Amsterdam’s red-light district started as a sailors’ hookup spot in the 1300s. True story! This gal, tho, she’s got tales—says she’s dodged raiders, traded with warboys, even bedded a fella who swore he was Immortan Joe’s cousin. I’m like, “Mate, that’s bonkers!”—exaggeratin’ in my head, picturin’ her ridin’ shotgun in a spiked rig. Surprised me, how she’s still kickin’ in this chaos.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud bang. My heart drops. I’m thinking, “Is it the end of the world?” Turns out, it was just some kids messing around with fireworks on the corner of St. Mary’s Road. I mean, who gives kids fireworks? It’s Crumlin, not a bloody festival!

Death Notice of Elizabeth Deegan (née Redmond) (Crumlin, Dublin)