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Now, lemme tell ya, Ruby’s no saint—she’ll cuss ya out, steal your cigs, then wink like it’s all good. Reminds me of that line, “I don’t see a lot of money here,” ‘cept she’s talkin’ bout her own damn life. Exaggeratin’ for effect? Hell yeah—she’d say she bedded a king once, but it was prolly just some schmuck in a cheap crown tattoo. Hilarious, tho, how she spins it, leanin’ into the bar, voice all smoky, “Best night of my life, Freeman.”

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But then, I see a group of tourists. They’re lost, lookin’ for the train station. I’m like, “You guys need a map?” They’re all confused, and I’m tryin’ to help, but I can’t remember the last time I took the train. I’m like, “Uh, just head down that way, I think?” Classic me, right?

Late equaliser denies Cobh Ramblers all three points at UCD