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But the fakes? Christ, they piss me off! Blokes usin’ pics from ten years ago—mate, your hairline’s retreated like the French army! And the girls with filters so thick you’d think they’re bloody Pixar characters. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through that crap—sniff it out like a hound. Did ya know some sickos use sex-dating apps to scam cash? True story—bloke in Leeds lost 500 quid to a “hot babe” who vanished. Gutted, I was, readin’ that.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk.” Oh great, just what I need. I’m thinkin’ I’m in trouble or somethin’. Turns out, he wants me to lead a new project. I’m like, “Awesome! But can we not do this over fish and chips?”

Bray Wanderers’ historic unbeaten run is cut short by Cobh at the death