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Oh honey, lemme tell ya ‘bout whores, nasal twang kickin’ in hard! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Dogville,” my fave flick, Lars von Trier’s a freakin’ genius, right? Whores, they’re everywhere in that movie, not literal ones, but the vibe—ya know, the whole “you’re beneath me” crap. Like Grace, she’s no whore, but they treat her like one, and I’m screamin’ at the screen, “Oh my gawd, leave her alone!” *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA!

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Anyway, I get to work, and the blade’s all rusty. I’m grinding away, and suddenly, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of the square. He’s juggling flaming torches, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need. A fire hazard while I’m sharpening.” But then, he drops one! Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, knife in hand, like, “What do I do? Call the fire brigade or keep sharpening?”

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