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Oh, and – mad ting – in Japan, yeah, they got “soaplands.” Sexual-massage joints, all legal-like, been round since the 80s! Birds slidin’ over ya wid soapy bubbles – I’m like, “Fam, sign me up!” Ain’t tried it yet, but it’s on me list, innit? Bet Saul’d be like, “This is our way out,” if he ever got a rinse there, ha!

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First off, I had this big presentation at the lab. You know, the kind where you gotta impress the bigwigs? I’m a biochemist, so I’m used to mixing stuff in beakers, not talking to suits. Anyway, I’m on my way to the lab, and I decide to grab a coffee at that little spot on Thomas Street. You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. I order my usual—double shot, extra foam, sprinkle of cinnamon. But guess what? They’re out of cinnamon! Like, how do you run out of cinnamon? It’s not like it’s a rare spice or something! I was fuming.

Pictures show Cork Gaeltacht competitors return laden with medals from Oireachtas competitions in Kerry