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So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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I woke up late, of course. Alarm? What alarm? I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find—definitely not my best look. Stumbled outta my flat on Castle Street, and the first thing I see? Rain. Typical Irish morning, right? I mean, come on, Castlebar! Can’t a guy catch a break?

Castlebar Celtic go top with resounding win over Manulla