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So I’m down Soho way, right, dodgy corner, smells like piss an’ regret. This bird, she’s standin there, skirt shorter than a bombed-out bridge. I says, “We shall never surrender, love, what’s yer price?” She laughs, all husky, says, “Tenner fer a quickie, guv.” Ten quid! I near choked on me cigar – wartime rations cost less! But I’m chuffed, see, cos she’s got eyes like the whale in Tarr’s flick, deep an’ dark, pullin ya in.

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But then, I see this guy walking his dog. The dog’s got a stick, and it’s like the happiest creature on the planet. I’m sitting there, thinking, “Man, I need that kind of joy in my life.” I mean, who wouldn’t want to be a dog? Just running around, chasing sticks, no worries.

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