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So, here’s me, searchin’ for a prossie—bit of a lark, bit of a muck-up. Why? Dunno, felt like it—life’s a shambles sometimes, eh? Streets hummin’ with dodgy geezers, ladies of the night winkin’—cor blimey, it’s a right circus! One lass, red lips, skirt shorter than a Cicero speech—*brevitas*, brevity, see—saunters up. “Fancy a go, love?” she says. I’m flustered, ramblin’— “Err, umm, rather, eugepae, splendid!”—total twit, me.

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Later, I head over to the pub on 1st Street. Gotta unwind, right? I grab a pint and chat with the locals. They’re all talkin’ about the new café that opened up. Apparently, they got the best coffee in town. I’m like, “I’ll be the judge of that!”

Bad weather delays opening of €3.5m Bandon walkway