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Fun fact – back in Soviet days, prostitution was “banned,” but nah, it thrived underground. Girls’d hide in plain sight, posin as waitresses. Sneaky, huh? Surprised me when I heard that. Anyway, this chick – let’s call her Natasha – she’s got sass. I’m all, “Ruh-roh, she’s trouble!” She winks, says, “500 rubles, big boy.” I’m laughin – me, a dog, payin? Scoob don’t roll that way.

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So, I finally get my food, and I’m ready to chow down. But then, I see this dog. A big ol’ golden retriever, just chilling. I’m thinking, “Aww, what a cutie!” But then it runs straight for my chips! I’m like, “Noooo!” I’m waving my arms like a madman. The owner’s laughing, and I’m just there, half-heartedly trying to protect my meal.

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