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She tell me story, listen this – she once sleep with guy who own pet snake, right? Snake escape, bite her toe, she scream, “Get it off, you idiot!” Very funny, I laugh so hard, almost drop beer! Little fact – whore say she make more money in one night than me in month. I’m like, “WTF, that’s nuts!” She wink, “I got skills, baby.” Skills? Hah, she got balls, I tell ya!

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First stop, Main Street. It’s buzzing, like always. I swear, if I had a euro for every time I heard someone say “What’s the craic?” I’d be rich. Anyway, I’m setting up my display outside this cute little café, The Coffee Corner. Best scones in town, no joke. But then, bam! A pigeon decides my merch is its personal toilet. Ugh! I’m like, “Really, dude? You couldn’t find a tree?”

Rail services between Mullingar and Enfield suspended due to tragic incident