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But the creeps? Ugh, dodge ‘em! Dudes begging nudes in two secs—piss off, yeah? Makes me wanna ram their heads with a pallet truck. Still, when it works, it’s gold. Met this one bird, pure sass, said, “I’m no princess, mate.” We clicked, banged, laughed—felt like Amélie’s Paris streets, alive, messy, real. Sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, bruv—ups, downs, and epic crashes. “Tonight’s the night,” I say, every damn swipe. You in or what?

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After that, I head to my workshop on Abbey Street. It’s a cozy little spot, filled with wood shavings and the smell of varnish. I love it. But today? Ugh. I’m in the zone, carving away, when I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and what do I see? A delivery truck has knocked over a lamppost! Classic Wexford, right?

Death Notice of Hugh O'Donnell (Gorey, Wexford)