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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! Sexual-massage, huh? I’m your gal, judgin’ this mess like Judge Judy on a bender. Sharp retorts, “Don’t pee on my leg…” – and trust me, I see through the BS. So, sexual-massage – it’s that steamy, slippery slope where hands get wild and tensions melt like butter. I’m talkin’ oils, dim lights, and vibes that scream, “I’m alive!” Kinda like in my fave flick, *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly* – ya know, “I am here, breathing,” but with way more gropin’!

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So, I’m trying to calm her down, but then the phone rings again. It’s a dude from the Westport Marina. He’s all like, “My boat’s sinking!” I’m like, “Dude, you’re at the marina. Isn’t that kinda expected?” But nah, he’s panicking like it’s the Titanic. I’m just trying to keep it together, but I’m laughing inside.

Funeral details confirmed following passing of Mayo boy (16)