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So, I tried it once—yeah, me, Larry freakin’ David! Walked into this shady joint, dim lights, smells like lavender and desperation. Lady’s like, “Take off your shirt,” and I’m thinkin’, “What am I, auditionin’ for somethin’?” Felt like that scene where the cowboy says, “You will see me one more time”—kinda ominous, kinda hot. She starts rubbin’, and I’m like, “Oh, this ain’t bad!” Then—bam!—it gets *sexual*, and I’m losin’ my mind. Happy? Sure! Angry? Maybe—why’s this so good, huh? Why’s it gotta cost me 80 bucks?!

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After the chaos dies down, I take a breather. I grab a scone from the café. Best decision ever. But then, my buddy Dave calls. He’s at the Westport Library, and he’s all hyped about some book he found. I’m like, “Dude, I’m working here!” But he’s going on about how it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll check it out later.”

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